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I used to be a pig.
I used to be a pig.
I used to think that weight was everything.
But now I get to sing.
Free from the nonsense that anorexia brings.
I have friends.
I've had men.
I see a whole new light.
I've stopped crying for a reason.
Every single night.
I don't see fat upon a scared tiny face.
Instead I see the beauty of imperfection in it's place.
Numbers have become numbers once again.
No longer ticking in a lonely head.
I'd like to say I'm sorry for the pain I insued.
Not just to myself but upon all of you.
I encuraged bad behavior.
I brought my tears to you.
I liked to say I'm sorry,
because frankly that's all I can do.
But I'm very much better now.
I went through a lot.
I did my very best to be to this spot.
So here I am at last.
I went from 90 pounds to one hundred.
I've stopped the silly diets.
I've stopped living in dread.
I've started feeling alive.
And stopped feeling dead.
The Media My Anorexia
Skinny girls line my walls
In my school they walk the halls
Pretty models at the mall
Why do they get to be so thin and tall?
Mommy tells me "Dear it's all in your head"
If that's so Mommy dearest why can't I get out of bed?
Or remember what you've just said?
If I've got so much time left to live why do I feel so dead?
Grandma doesn't get it as she asks me "Why?"
I say "You know I can't help it. At least I try."
Time to ask myself a question 'Why must I lie?'
A question never answered, drowned out by my cries
Pappy asks me "What's for lunch?"
I said I couldn't handle much
Another day of life's crutch
and Ana's strong and painful clutch
I've lost another ten and I'm not happy yet
Just another ten to perfection that was my bet
A promise I made to myself that I now regret
Oh me why do we do this to ourself? How Skinny must we Get?
Diary of An Anorexic 13
April 24, 2010
All I ate today was a french fry. It was just to prove to my mom that I'm eating haha. What she don't know won't hurt her. Jami gained all her weight back. I looked sad but inside I was screaming "Ha so I'm not the fattest friend after all". I mean all she does is eat. It makes me sick just looking at her do it. But I can't blame her I guess. I mean it was hard for me too at first... but not anymore...
Weight Change: +.8lbs
the FAT girl
Hello Daddy It's been Awhile
things have changed since you were my father
your little girls got even smaller
don't let the purging be a bother
Ana is my only friend
things have been different since I was ten
I had a life back then
I had a family
Mia comes to visit every once in a while
... Daddy what's wrong why can't you smile
Don't talk to me like I'm still a child
look in my eyes
Daddy wait where are you going
you've gone again without me knowing
It'll be years again until I see that face
It always leaves without a trace
Daddy you make so blue
we used to stick together... just like glue
Maybe that's why I weigh 92
I can't gain anything unless I'm with you
Diary of An Anorexic 12
April 23, 2010
I ate the rest of the oreo ice cream cake by myself. Of course I threw it up but it was wierd because half of it came out my nose! It felt wierd and smelled even worse! Kira weighs eighty-nine pounds and Kelsey weighs eighty-two... and at the rate Jami is losing weight soon she'll be thinner than me too. I feel bloated and huger than ever. I may never eat ice cream again! My goal weight is to be atleast eighty again but by that point all my friends will be like seventy. I really am fat...
Weight Change: -1.8lbs
Diary of An Anorexic 11
April 22, 2010
I'm fat. I'm fat. I'm fat. I'm sooo fat! Everybody knows about my bulimia now. They all think I'm freak, even Kolby. Nobody realizes it's an "illness" (I hate hat word). They think I can stop whenever I want to but I can't. Why can't tey understand that? I'm only close to two people anymore. They're obviously Jami and Kira but even they have never seen the true pain inside me. It's starting to burn a hole in my chest. The feelings are aching to get out. I'll never let them...
Weight change: -.6lbs
Diary of An Anorexic 10
April 21, 2010
Nen is pissing me off. She knows about my bulimia. Apparently she saw me throwing up outside.It's all her fault I've gotten so fat! She made me sit down and eat dinner and made sure it didn't come back up. I hate her right now... I feel disguisting. Jami said she can see her weight dissappering. I'm not so lucky. Soon she'll be thinner than me...
Weight Change: +3.4lbs
Diary of An Anorexic 8
April 19, 2010
So I've started once again on my journey to Anorexia. Even though I've lost weight I continue to feel fat and insecure. My moms starting to catch on already. She found throw up on the bathroom towels. She thinks I'm bulimic. Though I denied her aligations I didn't tell her that she wasn't far off. Jami lost more weight than me. I'm so jelious though I'm still skinnier but not by much. On the Wii Fit I'm only about an inch away from being underweight
Weight Change: -.9lbs
Diary of an Anorexic 7
April 17, 2010
I feel disgusting. I ate four...FOUR pieces of pizza last night and a bowl of cereal this morning. All that sugar and fat is enough to make me wanna shoot myself! I'm dizzy all the time now but somehow I like it. It reminds me that I'm going to be skinny someday. That's all that matters to me lately. It used to be hard not to eat but now that I'm more used to it, it's an amazing feeling! I LOVE it! Jami's being distant...
Because God Told Me..."...We can't be friends anymore."
"I need to be with someone who talks to God like I do."
When were we ever fucking?
"Okay, let me rephrase this."
Then please use my Text Corrector.
"We can be acquaintances, but as far as a personal, close friendship -- I can't do that."
Ten years of friendship and we're going to bog it down to "acquaintances?" Does the rewind button even work like that? You've known me since I was a child; you stood there when my mother was lying broken on the kitchen floor. I stayed with you over the phone to cry about your pregnancy test. When did we start basing the value of friendships on religion and not actions or support?
"I didn't say our friendship has been meaningless; I just need someone who can uplift me and...encourage me the way I uplift and encourage them. When you're going through something good or bad, I tell you 'God bless,' but you never say it in return."
No, I give a whole fucking step-by-step process for you to sa
The Privileged Feminist and the WomanShe was a feminist, born free,
while she was a woman born over seas.
She was the feminist who went to school,
while she was the woman who paid unrightful dues.
She was the feminist who went to college,
while she was the woman forced to work without knowledge.
She was the feminist who preached her corrupted views,
She was the woman whose homeland was on the news.
She was the feminist who spoke her annoying mind,
She was the woman who could only be at peace inside.
She was the feminist who could walk freely,
She was the woman that would get beaten weekly.
She was the feminist who blamed men for everything,
She was the woman who was forced to bare men's offspring.
She was the feminist who could chose her life
She was the woman who didn't make it past twenty five.
She is the feminist who is blind to the world,
who only cares for herself, her life is like a pearl,
She is the woman who cannot show her face,
as an excuse to be modest, faithful and chaste.
She is the feminist who is ignorant t
The gentleman with the paper napkin rose!Lonely and heart broken,
I was that night.
I walked out of my hotel room,
right into the bar and into it's magical atmosphere,
beautiful belly dancers,
I sat down and got me a drink,
wanting to drawn,
all of my feelings,
my love, my life.
wanting to be cold,
not wanting to feel anything,
betrayal is a painful
thing to remember!
So I wanted the ability to forget,
since forgiving was much too soon
for my broken heart.
So intense was this pain,
many years later
I still carry it's scars.
and without looking I was at the distance,
welcomed by someone's interest...
There he was looking at me,
and for the longest time
I could not look away, I got hypnotize
by his Indian eyes...
From a paper napkin he made me a flower,
I thought of this detail for hours.
He walked to me and reached for my hands,
placing the object of his creation between my fingers.
He must have made this flowers a thousand times,
because as he did,
he never stopped looking at my eye
... and nobody cares.Can you see these empty eyes, screaming for help? No you can't.
Oh come on, you're not sick! I can't see it! Your answer was. You're thinking of me as a malingerer, don't try to tell me otherwise. You think I'm one of the comfortably sick to get through life easy.
Have you ever asked yourself why you (still) live? What is worth for living? When all problems hail down on you at once and you threaten to suffocate, seeing all your plans and dreams destroyed, you won't consider giving up, don't you?
Come get your ass up, lazy f*ck and get a job again, I once heard you yelling at me. Afterwards I'm asking myself – do you, so called friend, even know me at all? Do you know that the pressure of my past has crushed me into an unstable pile of mood swings, suicide thoughts and psychosomatic sickness? Probably not, because if you'd know me you wouldn't hurt me with your words.
But there are loads of therapists out there, don't whine into my ears any longer, go get your hea
fellow adventurers and others who want to donti know its been a long time sense she commited suicide but i just recently found out about Amanda Todd the poor girl she just couldnt handle it anymore i wanted to say that it gets better i should know and today im gonna tell you my story
it was an ordanary day in the dew household yes dew as in mountain dew anyway i was deppresed tho that wasnt unusual for me knowing my past it was diffrent this time it was like my deppression was worse then ever i went into my brothers old room to look at pictures because hes at collage so i was missing him then i noticed his clouset was open now ya see he had a real sword in that clouset and i saw it i thought to myself i-its to much i cant handle it anymore i picked the sword up and almost drew it getting ready to drive it right through my 9 year old chest but then i thought to myself why am i doing this all its gonna do is make my family missrable and i dont
The True ArtistThe true artist is within,
He/She probably don't do it for a living.
They work 40+ hours at a job, but dream of art,
And save for the next project, for the next brush, for the next lens.
There is a million things in their way, distractions, obstacles,
Yet they still create, those are the true artists, that do it for the love.
They don't get recognition, or a million likes every time they burp.
They don't have staff to stock studios, or load film, or move lights or promote their vision,
They work their hours, save their energy, and use their spare time to create,
These are the artists that you want to know, and be around, and support with your body, your thoughts, and your money.
The ScientistCome up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I'll set you apart
Roni was excited for her new best friend to finally come over. I was never good at talking to others, so I wasn't excited. I unplugged the airbed from the pump, quickly closing the seal so air wouldn't get out. A knock at the door showed that Roni's friend was here. I peeked out from the hallway, looking at the stranger from my hiding spot.
She was beautiful.
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart
Roni fell asleep around midnight, Chass was a night owl, so she was still up. Me and her had been talking for the past few minutes. Trying to get to know each other. I was falling in love. Days passed, weeks, we were both really close by now. I wanted to ask her out, but, I was just to nervous.
What if I was just a friend to her?
4 Dead ChordsI’m here, with the darkness embracing me, trying to sleep. My eyes, full of tears, want to sleep, listening to those things that makes me feel bad in the middle of the night, listening to my thoughts written by other mind, but are mine. I know the reason of the sad midnight, when the sky has closed the window and no one can see the spirits, walking lonely roads.
Maybe I took another wrong way, or the wrong way took me, with a beautiful smile and deep black eyes, asking me if I was truly happy all this time without Starlight; I wasn’t, those days were wasted moments in my life. There’s nothing to see inside a womb, where you are isolated and peaceful with yourself, thinking about the day you had.
I’m drowning in memories, and cry, the droplets that my lung has.
Diary of An Anorexic 9
April 20, 2010
My little "friend" came to ruin my day. He hit me right in the face lol. Nissa knows now but she thinks I'm mostly bulimic. I guess I am now that I've found a way to purge. I'm proud of myself for that. It means I can eat whatever I want now. I'm kinda upset though. I only lost .9 pounds yesterday. Jami said it's because of all the crap I ate over the weekend. She's probably right.
Weight Change: -1.4lbs
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